\:guilty:\
'i wish i could stay but you argue'
that's a line from coheed & cambria's wake up. a good friend of mine played the song non stop over the weekend. it's a sad song. kinda sums up what i am feeling right now.
these past few months has been an emotional ride for me. i was left hanging, without given any explanations. i was bitter. all i wanted was a closure. he was reluctant to give me what i wanted. a closure. but finally he did. after almost two months. (!) well, better late than never, right?
during the (almost) two months, i kept asking myself 'what did i do wrong?' 'what didn't i do?' 'why cant he see that i am the one for him?' 'why cant he see the fact that we are so damn good together?'
every single day i question myself of why he stopped loving me. there wasn't a day that i didn't think of him. i tried hating him, but i couldn't. how could i hate the man that i once admire? worship? love? i couldn't. what we once had meant so much for me.
he taught me how to really be in love. he taught me that i, too, could be owh-sickly-lovey-dovey. heh. he changed me. i gave him something that i had never given anyone before. my 100%. i went all out with him.
i am not angry. i am not bitter. i do not hate. not anymore. i had a revelation. heh.
it is his lost for letting me go. it's good for him to have a brand new *shining effect* girlfriend. a girlfriend who 'understands me better'. a girlfriend who could always be by his side, smiling, cheering him, not provoking him, not pushing him, not pressuring him. it's good for him. they deserve each other. and i, as the other ex girlfriend once said, deserves better.
ah crap. it wasn't him who couldn't see that i was the one for him. it was me who couldn't see that he was not the one for me. it was me who couldn't see that no matter how hard i try, i never could satisfy his needs. why not? because he is who he is!
when he asked me 'do you regret of knowing me?' i said no. if he had asked me 'do you regret of loving me?' i would've said no. but i do regret of what he had done. i regret of his actions. regret of knowing that a sweet man like him could have done the things that he did. but no, i don't regret of knowing or loving him.
things will never be the same. i can never be friends with him again. this is what happens when two friends fall in love and out of love. their friendship ends. sad, isn't it? before he left the other day, he said 'see you around'. i smiled. no you silly guy, i won't be seeing you around anymore. i wouldn't want to make things complicated for me. heh.
well, it's really over. i can smoke again. i can drink again. i can do weed again! hah! i can do whatever-the-fuck-that-i-want-to again! ah that is the life! har.har.har.
ok ok. all the best for the both of you. awak, you better hold on to this girl. macam yang awak cakap, dia paham awak. x macam saye, xleh nk paham awak, kan? so you better treat her right. jangan buat dia cam awak buat saye. good luck to the both you! and ingat, kalo kawen, don't bother to invite me. :D girl, good luck.
so here i am doing what the other ex girlfriend had already done. i'm closing this chapter of my life. been there and done that. now it's over. let's move on to the next chapter.
'love is what's left when being in love has gone. it's when you care about someone and you hope they're happy, but you're not under illusions about them. maybe that kind of love is not exciting and passionate and all those things that fade with time. all those things that you're so keen on. but in the end, it's the only kind of love that really matters' -gina to harry. +man & boy- tony parsons+.
that's a line from coheed & cambria's wake up. a good friend of mine played the song non stop over the weekend. it's a sad song. kinda sums up what i am feeling right now.
these past few months has been an emotional ride for me. i was left hanging, without given any explanations. i was bitter. all i wanted was a closure. he was reluctant to give me what i wanted. a closure. but finally he did. after almost two months. (!) well, better late than never, right?
during the (almost) two months, i kept asking myself 'what did i do wrong?' 'what didn't i do?' 'why cant he see that i am the one for him?' 'why cant he see the fact that we are so damn good together?'
every single day i question myself of why he stopped loving me. there wasn't a day that i didn't think of him. i tried hating him, but i couldn't. how could i hate the man that i once admire? worship? love? i couldn't. what we once had meant so much for me.
he taught me how to really be in love. he taught me that i, too, could be owh-sickly-lovey-dovey. heh. he changed me. i gave him something that i had never given anyone before. my 100%. i went all out with him.
i am not angry. i am not bitter. i do not hate. not anymore. i had a revelation. heh.
it is his lost for letting me go. it's good for him to have a brand new *shining effect* girlfriend. a girlfriend who 'understands me better'. a girlfriend who could always be by his side, smiling, cheering him, not provoking him, not pushing him, not pressuring him. it's good for him. they deserve each other. and i, as the other ex girlfriend once said, deserves better.
ah crap. it wasn't him who couldn't see that i was the one for him. it was me who couldn't see that he was not the one for me. it was me who couldn't see that no matter how hard i try, i never could satisfy his needs. why not? because he is who he is!
when he asked me 'do you regret of knowing me?' i said no. if he had asked me 'do you regret of loving me?' i would've said no. but i do regret of what he had done. i regret of his actions. regret of knowing that a sweet man like him could have done the things that he did. but no, i don't regret of knowing or loving him.
things will never be the same. i can never be friends with him again. this is what happens when two friends fall in love and out of love. their friendship ends. sad, isn't it? before he left the other day, he said 'see you around'. i smiled. no you silly guy, i won't be seeing you around anymore. i wouldn't want to make things complicated for me. heh.
well, it's really over. i can smoke again. i can drink again. i can do weed again! hah! i can do whatever-the-fuck-that-i-want-to again! ah that is the life! har.har.har.
ok ok. all the best for the both of you. awak, you better hold on to this girl. macam yang awak cakap, dia paham awak. x macam saye, xleh nk paham awak, kan? so you better treat her right. jangan buat dia cam awak buat saye. good luck to the both you! and ingat, kalo kawen, don't bother to invite me. :D girl, good luck.
so here i am doing what the other ex girlfriend had already done. i'm closing this chapter of my life. been there and done that. now it's over. let's move on to the next chapter.
'love is what's left when being in love has gone. it's when you care about someone and you hope they're happy, but you're not under illusions about them. maybe that kind of love is not exciting and passionate and all those things that fade with time. all those things that you're so keen on. but in the end, it's the only kind of love that really matters' -gina to harry. +man & boy- tony parsons+.
ok ok . so she wrote this on Monday, September 11, 2006 at 9/11/2006 11:09:00 AM.
so uhm. wanna comment?
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hey dee *hugs*
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