[ life.is.overrated ]

i love waking up for sahur and makan ngan kengkawan. teringat time kat hostel. and not to mention berbuka. gosh. the anticipation nak melantak tuh best giler.

i can get used to this. i think.

bali is the bomb! (i'm trying to be funny here, okay?)

ah. dee and her half naked hot surfer dudes. so what does that makes her? a hot surfer dudette? erm.

gosh. is it time to update my fotopages? or flickr?

maybe not eh?

moving out. moving in.

urgh. i hate moving. can't deal with the separation. with anything or anyone.

i love this blue room. i love this table. this chair. i'm in love with the aircond. i love the green screen. i love the masters' office. the iMacs. the cameras. the tripods. the mics.

i'm going to miss this third floor. sangat-sangat akan rindu. sangat-sangat sedih.

!!

a lot of cleaning up to do!

bali is only a few days away. i can't believe i am actually going to bali! i've dreamed of going to bali for years and finally, it has come true, well, not yet, but it will.

kim had just came back from bali. she showed me her photos while she was there and i was like owhmygodowhmygodohmygod i can't wait! master.sam gave me some pointers of where to go and kim told me where to shop. she just came back from bali and she wants me to buy her stuff. how weird is that, huh? i'm so going to hard rock cafe, and get the shirt, so what the heck, ay?

i have been planning on where to go etc ever since the the flights and the hotel rooms were confirmed. but now, i'm not so sure anymore. six days is like, too damn short to go all over bali. *sigh* i've googled and read books, but still, i don't know where to go to. *urgh* need....more....time...

i want to visit all of the temples, all of the art markets, all of the tourist spots. i want to do everything there is to do in bali. i want to be more annoying than the arabs who visit kl every malaysian mega sale (or maybe not). i want to go bungey jumping, but uhm, it's us$62, so maybe not.

ah. there are just too many things to do. too many awesome places to go! owh owh i wanna meet aussie surfer dudes. i wanna be a surfer dudette. hmm maybe that's a little bit hard, because i can't swim, but nvm. my aussie surfer dudes are going to be more than willing to teach me. hah! crikey! (r.i.p steve)

i hope our hotel is going to be as good as they claimed to be *fingers+crossed* we paid rm 151 per night so they better be good!

owh. i hope airasia wont fuck up this time.

okay.

my blog was gone for a few days. lost in cyberspace. i don't know how, or when, or who did it. i don't know whether it was hacked or blogspot fucked up.

master.sam was right. maybe it's time for me to get my own domain. yeah. maybe it's time.

***

i spent the last two days in corus hotel. i yawned and yawned throughout the two days. spending time with the economics society is totally not my thing. i had no idea what they were talking about..and not paying intention didn't help at all. heh. i was too indulged in my book. (i only brought the book on the second day of the conference. the first day was !!!!!)

it was only until i had to sit down and listen to the interview with the indonesian delegates that i understood the whole point of the conference. and it was only then that i realised the importance of the fta. if i hadn't sat there for 17 minutes, i wouldn't have known. *phew!*

imagine sitting throughout the two days of the conference and not knowing what it was all about. hehe. *blushed*

owh. the new camera kicks ass!

fucked up, man.

it's fucked up.

everything's fucked up!

updating this. updating that.

yahoo messenger. check!
cellphone. check!

owh my. i still have the late amin's number. god. rest in peace, amin.

what else is there to update?

phew! i'm wayyyy behind. gotta lot of catching ups to do.

let's keep updating!

not that it matters, but i just remembered, today is september 11.

it's my bestfriend's 24th birthday.

har.har.har

happy 24th echa!

*hugs*kisses*

'i wish i could stay but you argue'

that's a line from coheed & cambria's wake up. a good friend of mine played the song non stop over the weekend. it's a sad song. kinda sums up what i am feeling right now.

these past few months has been an emotional ride for me. i was left hanging, without given any explanations. i was bitter. all i wanted was a closure. he was reluctant to give me what i wanted. a closure. but finally he did. after almost two months. (!) well, better late than never, right?

during the (almost) two months, i kept asking myself 'what did i do wrong?' 'what didn't i do?' 'why cant he see that i am the one for him?' 'why cant he see the fact that we are so damn good together?'

every single day i question myself of why he stopped loving me. there wasn't a day that i didn't think of him. i tried hating him, but i couldn't. how could i hate the man that i once admire? worship? love? i couldn't. what we once had meant so much for me.

he taught me how to really be in love. he taught me that i, too, could be owh-sickly-lovey-dovey. heh. he changed me. i gave him something that i had never given anyone before. my 100%. i went all out with him.

i am not angry. i am not bitter. i do not hate. not anymore. i had a revelation. heh.

it is his lost for letting me go. it's good for him to have a brand new *shining effect* girlfriend. a girlfriend who 'understands me better'. a girlfriend who could always be by his side, smiling, cheering him, not provoking him, not pushing him, not pressuring him. it's good for him. they deserve each other. and i, as the other ex girlfriend once said, deserves better.

ah crap. it wasn't him who couldn't see that i was the one for him. it was me who couldn't see that he was not the one for me. it was me who couldn't see that no matter how hard i try, i never could satisfy his needs. why not? because he is who he is!

when he asked me 'do you regret of knowing me?' i said no. if he had asked me 'do you regret of loving me?' i would've said no. but i do regret of what he had done. i regret of his actions. regret of knowing that a sweet man like him could have done the things that he did. but no, i don't regret of knowing or loving him.

things will never be the same. i can never be friends with him again. this is what happens when two friends fall in love and out of love. their friendship ends. sad, isn't it? before he left the other day, he said 'see you around'. i smiled. no you silly guy, i won't be seeing you around anymore. i wouldn't want to make things complicated for me. heh.

well, it's really over. i can smoke again. i can drink again. i can do weed again! hah! i can do whatever-the-fuck-that-i-want-to again! ah that is the life! har.har.har.

ok ok. all the best for the both of you. awak, you better hold on to this girl. macam yang awak cakap, dia paham awak. x macam saye, xleh nk paham awak, kan? so you better treat her right. jangan buat dia cam awak buat saye. good luck to the both you! and ingat, kalo kawen, don't bother to invite me. :D girl, good luck.

so here i am doing what the other ex girlfriend had already done. i'm closing this chapter of my life. been there and done that. now it's over. let's move on to the next chapter.

'love is what's left when being in love has gone. it's when you care about someone and you hope they're happy, but you're not under illusions about them. maybe that kind of love is not exciting and passionate and all those things that fade with time. all those things that you're so keen on. but in the end, it's the only kind of love that really matters' -gina to harry. +man & boy- tony parsons+.

our dearest master.jerry's blog has been hacked again. for the 12th time! and it's always by the same hacker.

12 times! it shows how much free time this loser has. and how dedicated he/she is. lol. if only he/she concerntrates more on his/her own life rather than making other people's life complicated.

"time to act. in 24 hours, jeremiahfoo.com shall reveal a shocking tale of deceit, slander, lies and the truth"


you go, boss!

mau nonton ramli sarip bersame-same kengkawan kat kltower.

okay. to syuk or to shuk?

lol.

he is a remarkable man.

he is a lot different from the old guy that i used to have respect for. but there is one similarity between them. when they talk, i am seduced. heh. they have the same aura. aura of power.

yea i was naive. blindly believing what i saw and heard. trusting the wrong man to take control of my life. digesting all of his agendas and propagandas. i was unable to see beyond the facade. ah. but i am older now. i have my own agendas. haha.

that old man is old news now. the comeback plan he has is pathetic. sick. but this attempt on making a comeback will never succeed. na-ah i wouldn't be fooled twice. i have a new man to look up to. an extraordinary man.

i could see myself loving him. respecting him. always standing beside him. supporting him. he brings out the passion inside of me. the passion of wanting to make a difference. make a change, for the better.

his presence is hypnotic. i can't stop from admiring him. everything about him is just..right. the way he talks. the way he waves his hands around. the way he smiles. laughs.

if only he is given a chance. a chance to be at a place where he really belongs.

he is a man of charisma.

*burps*

had pizza for lunch.

go international!

if you haven't seen any of the actorlympics series yet, i'd suggest you go.

they had a slight change in cast members, but the fun(ny) is most definately still there. we couldn't stop from laughing hysterically.

if you are skeptical on the originality of the concept, (for those who are uhm..uhm.. in the dark, actorlympics is a malaysian version of whose line is it anyway. there are two versions of whose line is it anyway. i- drew carey's. ii- clive anderson's.) to hell with it. the jokes are 98% hilarious and 2% funny. hehehe.

we bumped into some of our classmates and fellow mmu-ians as well. muke sume merah-merah gelak kuat sangat. haha. owh kishz (is this how you spell your name?) was also there. please don't call me mamarazzi. i'm a video journalist (eh?) no no. a graphic designer (hah?) no no no. heck i don't know. erm. an intern. yeah yeah i'm an intern. at least for another 9 working days. *sob*sob*

kua topic plak.

people! rush over to the actors studio bangsar to catch actorlympics! you won't regret it! go! go!

i am a peaceful person. i am a peaceful person. i am a peaceful person. i am a peaceful person. i am a peaceful person. i am a peaceful person.
until somebody crosses the line, i am a peaceful person.

yea let's go! it's been a millenium since i last went to see a play.

tonight is the opening night for september's actorlympics. if you missed it the last time, despair not (?!). it's up and running again from september 6th-10th.

c'mon c'mon!
jom teater!

owh.

hek.

*giggles*

yesterday at lunch, i invented a new word.

dentisism.

you know. for dentistry.

*laughing.hysterically*

god. that was embarrasing.

*blushes*

moronic drivers should not be allowed roaming the streets. the imbeciles should not even be entitled to sit for driving tests. there should be a ban on all potential dumb/slow-moving/turtle-snail-like/idle drivers.

how on earth did they pass the driving test?

urgh.

what a way to start a day!

owh i almost forgot. i saw the announcement on tele (heh) this morning, about the so-called potential malaysian astronauts. there were two finalists- one is a medical doctor and the other is a captain dentist. hah. both finalists are men. double hah.

what's up with sending malaysians to space eh? what do we have to prove? to whom? to tell citizens of earth that we can afford to send one malaysian to train with the russians? and for what?

let's talk about money. i'm not sure how much they are spending to train this first malaysian astronaut, but i bet it's going to be millions. and millions millions millions of ringgit. and why?

talk to me mr-in-charge, and i can tell you a whole lot of wise ways to spend the tax payers' money. seriously, i am serious, yeah seriously, i can. seriously.

poverty. education. public transportations. just to name a few.

we don't need an astronaut. or astronauts. or a space center or rockets or spaceships. the only two countries i know that had sent their men to space are the usa and russia. owh and china. so three countries ventured the space. and?... what is the glory in that? did they find any extraterretrials? did they find anything that can stop wars? cure cancer? did they?

too ambitious to satisfy other people's needs. such a waste of the rakyat's money.

pffftttttt!

life is about taking risks. life is about living the moment.
crap. life is so fucking overrated.

Where to buy marijuana in Bali:

Head down to Poppies lane in Kuta
(well, that's easy. i'm staying in kuta)

You can hookup from other tourists, particularly Aussie surfer dudes
(awesome dude!)

Night Clubs will be abundant with dealers and you will generally be approached more than once in areas like Kuta
(i will definately go clubbing. kuta; yeah okay)

In Bali, Shrooms are legally sold..check out Mushroom Warungs
(i'll definately check it out)

Essentially all over Bali you can get it, mainly on Jalan Legian
(i'm so going there)

Bali Marijuana prices: Aceh Weed and Nepalese hash 500,000 Rupiah (RM200) for a good 10 grams. Try to bargain and maybe you can get 350,00 Rupiah (RM140) for 10 grams. (keep in mind: it's good investment)

Legislation: Possession, Sale, and Consumption of Marijuana is Illegal and punishable with prison 10 years prison and the death penalty is given for trafficking.
(heck!)

Police will except bribes, and generally know not to hassle tourists without due cause
(fingers crossed)

worst case scenario: 24+10=34 (ok, that is still considerable as young. maybe i'll get 5 years for good behaviour? *hik*hik)


p/s:thank you master! you are truly a master! bring me 'souveniers' from Acheh!

i find it funny when some of our government organisations try to 'show who is the boss'.

on my way to work this morning, i saw a gang of dbkl officials (and their ancient machineries) bullying the stall owners at dato' keramat. you know, the ones near the lrt station. the officials (of dbkl, not of jb) seized the tables, chairs etc used for their business, and threw them recklessly onto the trucks.

and mpaj trucks passed by us somewhere in kesas highway.

is it that time of the year again?

(?)

maybe i should take up yoga. you know, to cast out bad energy. learning how to meditate would do me good.

'The process where a person is said to open their heart and surrender themselves completely so that all negativity can be removed and be brought closer to and then return completely to God.'

okay, i'm not so sure about the brought closer to and then return completely to God part, because, well, i'm not that religious, but i'm definately in for the surrender themselves completely so that all negativity can be removed.

*ting*
ohmmmmm
*ting*
ohmmmmm
*ting*
ohmmmmm

life is fiction.

how to eliminate rumours? go straight to the source. what if the source refuses to be interviewed? go to the next available source. and fortunately, the next available source is available to be interviewed. yay.

the truth always hurts. without fail. trust me. sometimes you wish that you don't know the truth. but there is that little voice inside your head that demands some answers. you have to fulfill the demands. heck, when you have lost it all, you have got nothing else to lose. so fuck it.

so here comes the truth. you ask questions that you want answers to. and you get the answers. the truth punches you in the face, kicks you in the groin. ouch. and double ouch. you feel like the pain is..infinity. you wish upon the stars to take away all your pain, all your sorrows. end this. end this right now. your wishes, unanswered.

the world around you starts to collapse. everything just collapse. you can't breathe. you can't think. you're numb. you can't feel anything. suddenly you feel you are alone in this cruel world. why owh why is this happening to you, you might think. what did you do to deserve such beatings? you're in pain, yet, you feel nothing.

you lay there, in pain for thousands of years. thinking, and looking back. you desperately want to believe again. you want to feel again. you want to feel the air blowing in your face. you want to smell the flowers. you are dying to feel. just to feel..anything..anything at all.

to have something precious taken away from you. to have the one thing that you believe in, betrayed you. to have..nothing, after all that you have done. all you could do now is hope and pray. hope and pray that karma will play it's role.

pray. that you will be able to keep it all inside. keep all the pain, all the sorrows, keep everything inside. pray that one day, it will all burst, for the worst. what is being nice, when all you get are beatings, insults, betrayal, pain?

ignore your environment. ignore your conscience. ignore everything that you have ever known and believed in. ignore all that. but keep in mind, of the pain that you endured. and maybe one day, you too, can hold a grudge. you too, could hate. you too, could have your vengence.

you're confused and you're hurt. the truth, always hurts. the truth hurts so much, that you wished that you would end up dead. but you didn't die. you survived. and what doesn't kill you, they say, makes you stronger. much much stronger.

your cowardness really shows.

who the fuck gave you the right to say all the things you have said to me, huh? what could i possibly have done to deserve this 'royal treatment' from you?

you're a pussy, you know that? you don't even have the nerve to confront me! that dick of yours is imaginary. it doesn't exist. you're a coward, a pussy, a feeble, a wimp, you're a nobody. you're nothing!

i don't fucking know why you're being so fucking cruel. if you think by doing this, i'll hate you, a million congrats to you. you've done it! *clap*clap*

you gave me no other choice.

congrats, you have brought out the bitch in me.

(updated 09.09.2006:due to some serious reconsiderations, this line has been deleted. tq girl for taking over. like he said, you understand him better. hats off to you. i'm sorry if i had hurt you feelings.)

p/s: owh yea. just for the sake of it. you used to be my everything. keyword: used

ah.

p.k.t of k.s waved fare.well to us loyal readers of k.s

i always enjoy p.k.t's writings. his sarcasms never failed to make me l.m.a.o.

while reading his final article, i noticed this one particular anonymous troubled commentor. he/she/it was so vengeful, i almost pitied the creature. i wouldn't go into details, just read the creature's comments, if you want to.

anyhoo, i just want to say that i love all of p.k.t's articles. i didn't agree with all of the articles published, but i love them. too bad he's quitting.

i guess, when you push people over their limit, they'll eventually break down.

thank yous, pang khee teik, for all the owh-so-good-to-read articles!

well, i'm almost fixed. keyword: almost.

i spent the last four days at home, in bed and in front of the tube (i've gone 'international'). all the while, i was dangerously armed with a box of tissue.

i missed out two parties (argh!!). one on a friday night, and the other on a saturday night. i could've been to the one on saturday, but i chose not to. i wouldn't feel comfortable being around people while sneezing and coughing. heck, i wouldn't feel comfortable being around people who can't stop from sneezing and coughing. *hok*hok*hek+ptuih*

amy and i watched 'the simpsons' for almost six hours. yeap, we had a 'the simpsons' marathon. i really missed these marathons. when i can just watch films/mini-series/dramas/cartoons for hours and hours non stop. that is the life!

i am such a muvi.phreak!

owh. i saw siti nurhaliza & (the disgusting-perverted-moustached-smiling creature) datuk k's wedding reception on tv..errr.. on the tube last night. how did they do it? err, not do it do it. i meant how did they managed to sit there and eat while hundreds of people were watching and taking pictures of them? didn't they feel weird? like, uhm, animals caged in the zoo?

i am so against out-of-this-world wedding ceremonies. yeah you get married only once in a lifetime (hopefully), but why waste money? money are not easy to come by. why invite strangers to your wedding? weddings should be celebrated among your loved ones. among your favourite family members and bestfriends. that's it.

*sighs*
i wonder how my wedding is going to be like.
if there is a wedding.

'excise duty of one cent per stick'
there goes a pack of marlboro lights 20

'rm5 increase per litre in excise duty for liqour having more than 40% of alcohol'
beer is not alcohol *chuckles*
err.. cocktails? jds?? vodkas?? wines?
apple ciders? *hikhikhik*

'not much' my ass! an increase is still a bloody increase, okay?

eh. wait a sec. do i smoke? do i drink?

(?)

well, do i?

my head is still throbbing and my nose is still errrr.. running *chuckles* i'm like this whenever i have a fever. it amazes me sometimes.. of my ability to amuse myself with every ridiculous non-funny remarks that i make. (eh?)

i was in bed for two whole days. persekutuan tanah melayu's merdeka day passed by me so swiftly, that even if i had cared, it would've bothered me. (what?)

i read cecilia ahern's p.s i love you today. hence, the doubled amount of mucus (eww!) in my nostrils (did i get the fact right? heh who cares?) owh samsons' kenangan yang terindah is still playing in my head. pathetic? no. i miss him. yea i do.

saw our pak lah on tv today. something about our country's budget for 2007. arkkk. i'm not at work. so let's not talk about politics. thank you. i still have this anti-gen 2 crap. patriotic? you bet. ah. the satria neo is about to make the list.

owh. asia247 had a farewell party for our bright minds from all over south east asian countries today. too bad i was sick and couldn't party with them. damn it. and it was at the rooftop! haih! just my luck huh?

won't be going back to cyber this week. too sick and too weak to go anywhere. plus, it's just so damn sad to be at cyber all alone and not to mention sick (!!)

two more weeks as an intern. argh! i don't want it to end, but i can't wait to go bali. argh but i don't want to go back to campus. i seriously don't want to go back :(

am i over-reacting if i decide to 'halt' my education 'til next year? 'til everything is clear? eh, but if i do that, i'm going to miss my graduation. no fucking way am i going to miss my graduation. hmmm.

'in the meantime, she would just live.'